Motivation overrules exhaution; I end the day feeling content.

22 Aug

It is 9am when I wake up, after about 5 hours of sleep, but I cannot scrape myself out of bed. I lie tossing and turning, thinking about the day ahead and as I do this my body slowly fades into a deep sleep.

Waking up at 1pm I push myself out of bed determined to make the most out of my day. I proceed to the shower, hoping that it will revitalise me. Standing in the shower, humming, I think about what task to set myself today. Even though I am determined to make the most of it I am still feeling under the weather and this could, again, prohibited progress. I finish in the shower and drag my achy body to my bedroom to get dressed. Similarly to the previous two days my eyes are wanting to sleep, my body is exhausted and my head is in a painful haze; but the difference today is the fact that I do have some slight motivation and dedication running through me. I dress, gather my books, notepads, laptop and pens, and make the journey to the kitchen table.

Entering the kitchen I decide to make myself some lunch. I stand by the fridge contemplating what to make for at least ten minutes. I pop two slices of bread into the toaster and grab some random salad items…lunch made, I move to the table and begin to eat.

Before I know it the time reads 2.30pm and I have not even started doing any work yet. It is looking like today is not going to be a successful one yet again (I do not plan to do any work over the next couple of days because I want to spend some quality time with the people I love the most, so I need to make some sort of progress today). I stand up, walk to the kitchen side, flick the kettle on and stare out of the window while I wait for it to boil. As I stare I think about how I can make today successful but this only results in me becoming stressed and annoyed. Motor tells me to stop and think about the day rationally. I hear the kettle shaking (a sign that it has finished boiling), I snap myself out of the stare and make a hot chocolate (mint flavour today).

Back at the kitchen table, with my scrummy hot chocolate, I open my notepad to a clean page, choose a book to make notes from and start working on today’s task which is to continue to read around, and make notes on, research methodologies looking particularly at qualitative research methods, paradigm and ontological and epistemological assumptions (I do not know if this is really necessary for my level of study but I want to understand it for future reference).

workstation for the day

workstation for the day

Lifting my head up from the ‘successful qualitative research’ book I notice that it is nearly 6pm. I cannot believe I have managed to stay focussed; a smile spreads across my face as I realise that I am achieving something despite feeling tired and poorly. This joyful feeling is much better than the de-motivated, un-dedicated and stressed mood that I was in yesterday; as I continue with reading I cross my fingers hoping that this feeling does not fade.

I hope that you will be as pleased as I am with the fact that I now slightly understand ontological and epistemological assumptions (I added the word slightly because I am not yet 100% confident with it but I am not anxious or stressed about it; I plan to read a different book that outlines the same topic later).

7.30pm- I am tired and my head is pounding but I am still feeling positive towards todays task. So far I have re-read the ‘paradigm’ and ‘ontological and epistemological assumptions’ sections and read, and made notes on, the ‘focus groups’ and ‘qualitative surveys’ sections. This has surprisingly taken me quite a lot of time. I just hope I have actually made sense of the information and that it will come in use when I start doing my research. I do know that it will help me with deciding on what data collection techniques to use. At the moment I am considering doing mixed methods research (where I will use both qualitative and quantitative research techniques) for my dissertation but the questions I keep asking myself are: Will this be too much? Do I have the abilities and skills to do mixed method research? Do I have the resources available to me? Do both methods link to my research question(s)? These will all have to be answered in the upcoming future but for now I believe that the best thing for me to do is read around ‘mixed method research’, ‘qualitative research’ and ‘quantitative research’. Other questions that I need answering are: How much detail do I have to go into in my research methodology section for my level of study? What information do I put into my methodology section in my research proposal? And, how do I get to my research population? I am sure answers to these will be given on my return to university but I am very eager to a) get started; b) get everything cleared up in my mind; and c) know what is expected for both the research proposal and dissertation modules. Anyway…pointless talk over, it is time I carried on with this reading.

8pm calls for me to stop for a couple of hours and I leave the table to make myself something to eat. I ponder at the fridge for twenty minutes, being indecisive. I opt for honey-soy salmon and salad.

Food eaten, plates cleaned and a cup of tea made I continue to read.

By the time I stop reading it is 12.30am; I cannot believe how fast the past 3 hours has gone. I have made some more progress and I have also found some journal articles to read on qualitative research which I think will be useful.

I end the day feeling exhausted and poorly but I am happy; I go to bed feeling content.

Today motivation overruled exhaustion.

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