Anxious beginnings.

10 Aug

At first the word ‘dissertation’ brings mixed emotions: I panic, I stress, I become anxious and I start to over think the challenge ahead. How do we, as final year undergraduates, deal with our final year research project? Some will take to it like a duck to water but others will hide away.

Sitting there with my pen and paper I begin to think irrationally. Thoughts come and go and ideas are countless; Ideas that are too broad, ideas that are too vast, ideas that are unachievable but never an idea that is of interest and feasible. Throwing my notepad to one side I begin to procrastinate. The channel 4 documentary seems a lot more appealing. I think to myself ‘No, no, no! Procrastinating at this stage is not a good sign. Stop. Think about this, motivate yourself, giving up at the first challenge is not the way forward’. I leave the TV on and place the notepad on my lap, looking and feeling solemn, I pick my pen up and begin to break down my thoughts. Half an hour passes and the page in front of me is still blank. Ok, so I am getting no where. Should I call it a day or should I brainstorm everything that comes to mind? I answer the former by beginning to jot down every thought that flashes above my eyes. Every thought is an image: an image involving words, thought bubbles, and either a big tick or cross saying yes or no to an idea. I stop, it has been an hour since I began to write my thoughts down, and I notice the A4 page in front of me is full of randomized words and doodles (some erased by the overuse of a pen scribble). Is this called progress or is it a failing? Quite evidently this is progress. Getting my thoughts down is the start, it has allowed me to reduce my anxieties and worries. It has allowed me to create a set of ideas to choose from.
Is this the start of something emotionally challenging but incredibly rewarding?




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